Ken asks…
Follow up to a question I asked earlier.?
Earlier I asked: What’s the best way to deal with a possessive irrational ex. Here’s a letter he wrote me, Tell me what you think I should de, I totally feel THREATENED.
“I first want to say that I miss you and I love you and Lisa (btw: he’s referring to our daughter). I know that I made some wrong choices when I was home but at some point we have to get past that and move on with life. I know you may feel otherwise but I do love and accept Lisa as my daughter (btw he went back and forth claiming and denying her for years, she’s now 9, and has never supported her or been apart of her life). I made wrong choices based on what people told me and on things you did in the past but not based on my heart. Even though I never got the results of the DNA test I still use to go up to Lisa’s school to see her if I could because you wouldn’t open your door (btw I got ride of him along time ago once I realized that he had no interest in being a father or supporting my child). I’m coming home (btw he’s in jail) in January and I want us to be a family and I’m not trying to hear nothing else yall belong to me and that’s just the way it is. I do understand that we have alot to talk about but you have to understand that I’m sorry for the wrong choices I made. I have a better life now I own a business and I have a nice place, half of that belongs to yall. I had my time to play when I came home, I’m done, I want my family and I will die trying to rebuild what I fucked up. Give me my chance, you owe me that and I’m not trying to hear nothing else. I want yall to see who I have become on the streets while we were going through our differences and over this past year I been in here. You’ll really be proud. I swear I will never walk away from you again. I want to always walk with you no matter if were together or not. You will be my wife.”
Nagesh answers:
I think you should go with your gut on this one. In my opinion, it has taken him 9 long years to eff things up this bad and he shouldn’t expect you to just warm right up to him, allow him into you and your daughter’s lives and pretend like everything is perfect. I know the type…there will be no happily ever after with this man.
EDIT – I agree with the restraining order comment above me. Better safe than sorry.
Charles asks…
University of Phoenix MBA vs more accredited school pros and cons.?
Please read the details. What are the pros and cons of attending University of Phoenix MBA program instead of a more traditional school. I work in business side of the IT industry. MBA is not required for any future jobs i might have so that is less of a concern for me. I work full time plan to buy a home and have children soon. Im currently employed as a Business Analyst so I dont need to worry about finding a job based on my MBA. Please only respond if you do have an MBA, know someone that attending U of P for masters,you are a human resource professional, or know anything about my field. Dont answer if you want to bash the school based on your opinion I dont care and wont pick you as best answer at all so dont waste your time.
Nagesh answers:
I go to the university of phoenix school of business which emphasizes on teaching more than research. An MBA from the university of phoenix is just as accurate as any other accredited school. For example, the university is accredited by the Association of Collegiate Business Schools and Programs (ACBSP). The ACBSP is one of two accreditors of business schools recognized by the Council for Higher Education Accreditation (CHEA) the other being AACSB. ACSBP is more business-oriented than AACSB’s research criterion. Besides all of my instructors held either a masters or doctorial degree in the field that they taught. For those of you who think UOP is a diploma mill your research is inaccurate this school is very accredited with proof from the department of education see links below. Proud to be a phoenix.
George asks…
Should I write to him now or wait until he comes back from his deployment?
The situation that I am in has caused me to feel confused, agitated, and a little depressed. So here’s my story: I met this guy named (We will call him Rick for privacy purposes). Rick so happens to be in the military. I met him while he was on leave through my best friend Nancy. We were friends for about 4 months and made it official 1 month before he left on deployment. For starters I wanna say that he is an extremely busy person not only is he involved in the military but he has his own business going on. Anywho so we decided to stay together during his deployment. Things were going well and it seemed like we would make it until 2 months into his deployment. He started becoming distant, wasn’t as attentive as he used to be, wouldn’t express how he felt about me anymore, and then it hit me. Maybe he just doesn’t like me anymore.. when he finally called me I asked him what was going on his response was that distance was kicking in and it didn’t feel like we were going out anymore. He proposed that we Pick things up when he came home I clearly told him no for I have dated someone in the military before and he told me the exact same thing and wen he got back things were WAY different. So in determination to protect my heart I told Rick that I couldn’t allow the same thing to happen with my ex all over again and that I didn’t wanna pick things up wen he came back and that I refused to be a “for later thing” because I was actually the very first girl to wait for him during a deployment and i deserved A LOT more than him throwing my love, patience and understanding back in my face like that. He sounded sad and said he understood but he still wanted to see me wen he got back and I still said no. The catch is that we broke up two days after christmas which means I had already sent him his xmas gift along with a blanket of mine(yes he asked for a blanket of mine because he miissed me) and he had already sent me his gift. This break up has hurt me A lot. even though I come off as a very strong and independent woman inside I’m hurting REALLY bad. It wasn’t until today that his sister dropped off the present he had sent me… when I opened the present tears started rolling down my face. This has made me miss him alot more. Idk if I should write him a letter thanking him for the gift or should I just wait for him to come back? plenty of my friends have said “it’s now or never” or “write him! thanking him” but honestly I’m afraid idk what to do.. the things I lived with this guy were special he meant alot to me and I was starting to fall for him. If I were truly just a “booty call” I know he wouldn’t have drove 8hours from his base to my home just to see me. Idk if I should just forget him and move on or if I should look for him. This is why I’m writting to you guys to see if you could help me figure this out. I know it may not seem like a lot to you but it means a lot to me. Thanks!
Nagesh answers:
Follow your heart. Sometimes you plan to decide on something based on one or two incidents, then regret that you made it. Give it another chance when he comes back from deployment. If it still doesn’t work out the way you want, then you can move on with no regrets
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Nagesh answers:
CHEAT CHEAT CHEAT DONT DO IT!!!!
Daniel asks…
Repost: Should I ask her now or wait for more evidence?
When it comes to wives who fool around I’m in a tiny minority based on what I’ve found in this forum. I’m really not comfortable with the typical response of “kick her out” or “divorce the whore,” because I love her too much to think in those terms. And frankly the fear of losing her is worse than the idea of what she might be doing. It’s all about priorities and that’s where mine are right now…keeping the marriage intact, no matter what. For better or worse…and all that. That’s a vow too, no matter that she may have broken one as well. And this is all conjecture anyway….based on the classic signs of an unfaithful spouse. But the main one is my gut feeling. If I bring up her sexier clothes it’s because she thought I would like it. The same for the subtle, but noticeable, changes when we make love. She thought I would like her to change things up for excitement. If she is doing anything it’s far from routine. She just doesn’t have the time or opportunities to pull off a full blown affair. She does have two to four business trips a year and that would be her best chance. And it’s right after those that I notice most of the signs. I’ve been in relationships where the love dies at some point, and this is nothing like that. I would definitely know if the love between us was gone and it’s far from that. My question is should I talk to her about this now or wait until I have more concrete proof that something is going on? If I ask, she’ll tell me because she’s never shied away from the tough questions. But once I ask, and she answers, then we’re on a path I may not be ready to take. Not without a lot of preparation anyway. But I also know it has to be addressed eventually, and that’s why I’m seeking advice on the timing. Please don’t call her names or be unkind, because this is my wife…the love of my life and the girl of my dreams. She’ll be back home late this week and I’m trying to work up the nerve to discuss this with her if that’s the direction I take.
Admittedly this seems a little paranoid. And a big element of this is my gut feeling which could be wrong. I just don’t want to approach her about a possibile infidelity if it’s not happening. She’d be crushed. Thanks for all the input.
I’m very impressed with the thoughtful responses, no matter what stand they take. Giving her the benefit of the doubt is looking better all the time, but the people who say talk it out are making excellent points as well. What a dilemma.
Nagesh answers:
“For better or worse…and all that. That’s a vow too”
agreed…wholeheartedly.
There is nothing worse then someone who expects a perfect rock free road in a marriage it’s a bit silly….and I do agree that infidelity is not the “charles mansion” of deal breakers.
If you love her–then wait to acquire more evidence..once you have it (if you get it–it might not be as bad as you think)…then go to her and see if you can work things out in therapy.
Gage your reaction by hers…does she lie or admit the truth? Does she tell you why? Is the reason perhaps a lacking in your marriage?
Don’t be afraid to look in the mirror…
Not alll people cheat because of the problems in a marriage–some cheat because they are cheaters period…and most of the time they can’t be helped…so at that point you have to decide whether you can be with someoen who, will do this all the time.
But there is a case to be made for people who cheat because of a relationship deficiency…and in that case there is help for you both…and your attitude is perfect for healing.
The first step os to find out the truth…the second is to find out the cause and you can take it from there.
Kudos to you for taking the higher road….but don’t be too let down if it doesn’t work. And always be proud of your self for trying to do the right thing…it makes you BETTER then most people.
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