Joseph asks…
Journalists, can someone please help me with my story?
Here’s my story:
Yesturday afternoon a massive tornado struck Cleavland Street, a street with a lot of businesses and homes on it, destroying everything in it’s path. This tornado was actually one of three reported. The Weather Bureau first became concerned after seeing the temperature was at 70 degrees, which was unseasonalbly warm for this time of the year, along with moisture buildup in the air. These conditions were just right for a tornado to strike. At two o’ clock a tornado warning was issued. At three p.m after several reports of funnel clouds, another tornado warning was issued. Finally at 3:33 a tornado formed and hit Cleavland Street. This cyclone destroyed several businesses and homes, including that of Mayor Robert T. Mellon. Only one death was reported but at least four people had to go to the hospital due to injuries both serious and minor. The amount of damage done by the tornado is approximatly $150,000. “Its amazing that all this damage was done in less than two minutes” said the cheif of police
In my journalism class we were given a list of facts and asked to write a story based on them.
I tried to use what I thought was the most important information and summarize it the best I could.
Is my story any good?
How can I improve it?
Thank you:)
Also do I have a good lead?
Nagesh answers:
Honestly, this story is a mess.
The lead is terrible.
As I’m guessing tornadoes are not an odd occurance in the area, while you miseed the BIG story – that a local person DIED. Get it in the lead, that IS your lead.
Who was it that died?
Who said the tornado was “massive?” (the use of over-descriptive words is not a good thing)
Local people should know Cleveland Street has a lot of businesses and homes on it (totally unnecessary info relative to the lead).
How many homes and businesses were destroyed?
What about the other two tornadoes? (This info is too high up in the story to not be followed up)
Who said, “These conditions were just right for a tornado to strike.” (unattributed fact)
You never list the time as “two o’ clock” — it’s either 2 p.m. Or 2 a.m. ONLY.
Also you never list the time as “three p.m ” or “3:33” — it was 3 p.m. And 3:33 p.m.
A tornado is not a “cyclone” — which is any entirely different type of weather phenomena.
Who said $150,000 in damage was done? (unattributed fact)
Why do you you use a quote by the “chief” (not cheif) of police, but don’t use his name?
You’ve produced one big blob of a story, forcing everything into one paragraph – like you were in a hurry. Clean it up, correct your spelling, and make it into at least three paragraphs – your lead should be a paragraph unto itself.
In the future, remember the 5-W’s of journalism –
Who
What
When
Where
Why
(you only hit on three of the five)
.
Laura asks…
Name for a retail & department store?
I’m Doing a class project with a few other people & we cant think of a name for our retail & department store. If you put a gun to our heads fully loaded we couldn’t give you a decent name.
Looking for a recognizable & iconic but yet flashy & fresh name.
Details:
• This is a mall type retail chain, with multiple floors.
• Store sells everything from Food to clothing & electronics. (Much like a Wal-Mart Or Target)
• As many store do, were big on low prices.
• We want to innovate the way people shop.
• We also sell in bulk.
• We deliver food to your home.
• We also use solar panels to power much of the store
• We also sell small business kiosks
• Business is based in North Carolina but will be nationwide.
If you need any more information let me know I will post more details, Our goal is to be better then Target & Walmart, so it has to be 1 hell of a name.
10 points to best answer, I with I could give you a hug for a great answer! xD
I dont really like All-Mart it sounds to much like you know who, Want to be identifiable.
Nagesh answers:
Agile’s
Prontos
Quixine
Sprintzer
Lots2go
ossumO’s ‘Order it to gO from ossumO’ ‘Save sum $dO with ossumO’
Predictably Good
Lisa asks…
Culinary Question….the industry?
Words cannot explain how excited I am to end high school. SE110RS! There are so many douche lords, and rude ignorant people, that I just cannot live in that environment. The field I am interested in is Baking and Pastry Arts. And I mean come on. Pastry Chefs always get the last say. Sure, you can eat a nice steak an potato dinner, but how about ending off that meal with a warm dark chocolate lava cake, oozing a smooth milk chocolate sauce, covered by a rich, decadent caramel sauce, and parted along side a cold french vanilla bean ice cream scoop…? Incredibly delicious… I have so much drive and passion for this I can just taste it at the tip of my tongue. I even run my own cake making business at home, and its an amazing experience! Being blessed with such a talent, and being able to cook and bring joy to people….love it. My goal is to eventually open up an upscale cafe/bakery bistro/cake shop. But the thing is most schools only offer Associates in Pastry Arts, and I want to get more out of this than just a measly A.S. degree. So you experienced chefs out there, whats your recommendation. I REALLY want my main focus to be on pastry arts….And I only am based im Chicago, so going out of state is a no go….too expensive for our budget. I mean, do I get a bachelors in business and hosp. management…or go full out culinary…im at a loss.
THANKS SO MUCH
best answer for sure for a through detailed one!
Nagesh answers:
Good for you, always go for the bachelors degree over the associates. One of the few culinary arts schools in the country that offers a bachelors degree in baking and pastry is the Culinary Institute of America. This is also one of the premier schools.
George asks…
Tax on Forex trading?
Hi
I am based in France and would like to know the tax situaation when trading the forex market?
I will be trading through a broker.
I imagine France will have pretty much the same tax laws on this as the UK.
I assume as long as I leave the funds in a broker account I will not have to worry about declaring tax?
Would the best approach be to treat it as business ,what could be claimed as business expense for this type of business working from home?
Is there anyone reading this and actually trading the forex fulltime,if so how long have you been doing it,what success have you had,do you run it like a business?
Thanks in advance
Ok thanks for the info,I have added it where u suggested
Thanks again
Nagesh answers:
You should ask questions about French taxes in category Business & Finance > Taxes > Other – Taxes > France and questions about UK taxes in category Business & Finance > Taxes > Other – Taxes > United Kingdom. If you ask in Business & Finance > Taxes > Other – Taxes, you will get replies from the U.S. That will not be correct for your situation.
Mark asks…
What is the best decision?
Im working on my application to undergrad business school for a degree in finance accounting or economics. I know that in bussiness pedigree is very important but unfortunately money is somewhat tight and I don’t know if im really ready to go away. As a result I feel that I will do better in my state school of UF or at university of miami which will probably give me a good scholarship plus I can live at home further lowering expenses. I could probably get into Stern in new York or UVA or emory but I think I will end up doing worse at these schools because of stress about money and homesickness. So basically my question is am I better off in the bussiness world as an excellent student at a mediocre school or a mediocre student at an excellent school. Plus I want to work in florida so the alumni base is probably larger than at an out of state school. Also I might want to go to law school does my undergrad school matter as much as my Gpa and Lsat scores. Sorry for all the questions
Nagesh answers:
Hiya,
My answer will focus on your questions about law school, since that is my area of expertise. When applying to law school, your GPA and LSAT scores carry much greater weight than where you completed your undergraduate education. Because of this, and because you feel you’ll end up doing poorly at schools outside of Florida due to homesickness and monetary worries, I would strongly advise you to consider UF and University of Miami as your top college choices. Not only are they both well-regarded schools, particularly within Florida, they will also allow you to graduate with less debt than out-of-state/private schools (which you will be thankful for when it comes time to take loans out to pay for law school!).
I would be hesitant to call UF or University of Miami “mediocre.” Certainly they may not be quite at the same caliber as UVA or Emory, but they are by no means “mediocre,” and your chances of acceptance at a great law school are not diminished in the least should you choose to attend either of them. If you perform at a high level at UF or Miami, you will be seen as an excellent student at a good school; if you combine this with an exceptional LSAT score, your chances at obtaining admission at a top-flight law school are good.
As a side note, if you are serious about your law school ambitions, definitely work on establishing rapport with instructors that can write you exceptional, personal, and anecdotal letters of recommendation, and focus on participating heavily in 2-3 extracurriculars that you can cultivate throughout your four years of undergraduate. Beef up your résumé by demonstrating a deep commitment to the things that interest you, and keep your grades at a 3.5+ (the close to 4.0, the better). Take some formal logic courses if you can; they’ll help you out when you take the LSAT later. And don’t put up off studying for the LSAT or applying to schools until the last minute. The more time you can devote to both of these, the better your law school chances will be.
I hope my answer was helpful! Please let me know if I can be of further assistance; I’m always happy to help!
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